Local teacher and mother of five Marlene May says the recent surge in support for a republic among Australia’s politicians is a bit suspicious, saying it’s hard to trust politicians who have systematically ruined the lives of the working class in pursuit of idealistic goals that benefit the few.
“When you have the majority of MPs of all parties supporting something, then you know we’re about to get fucked,” Ms May said. “They’re sat down there in Sydney and Canberra and they’re worrying about a republic, or the treaty, or a plebiscite, I’m worrying about whether or not my paycheck comes in three days,” she said. “Because if it doesn’t I’m dead in six.”
Plumber Greg Morten agreed that when the majority of Australia’s political and upper class agreed on something, then you know something is up.
“It’s funny because every state premier wants a republic, every Labor MP wants a republic, every Greens MP wants a republic, most LNP MPs want a republic, but most Australians don’t care,” Mr Morten said. “They’ve got form these wankers, Australians want gay marriage, they’re not gonna give us gay marriage, Australians want better working conditions and pay, they’re gonna increase their pay rates, Australians don’t want a republic, but they’re gonna lube it up and shove it up our asses.”
The nation’s leading republicans, who count media magnate Rupert Murdoch and mining billionaire Gina Rinehart among them, will converge on the prestigious great hall of the University of Sydney today to discuss the so-called Australian republic. The price of tables at the dinner reportedly maxes out at $3,000. It is unknown if the Burdekin’s member of parliament and recently outed republican Traitor George MP will be attending.